The Trip to the E.R.

After I fell down the hill, I sat there and realized, I'm screwed! I gathered my ducks and put them in a row and crawled up this small but steep hill. Once I got back up on the walkway I rested and tried to get up, I could of crawled a bit further to a neighbors patio and knocked on the slider door but her slider was covered for the winter and pounding on the bottom of a slider that she couldn't see out of, and finding me laying on her patio would of freaked her out more than her 70 years could stand.

So I made my way back to my apt and crawled up the stairs. Not a single soul in sight, but I'm sure it was quite a visual all fours going up the stairs. I got inside and put my leg up hoping it was minor damage and I'd be able to get over it without additional help. After 1/2 hour I came to the conclusion that I was in fact SCREWED. My ankle and leg started swelling up like um, errrr A Sailor on leave in a titty bar.

Anyway...

A call to the neighbor and we were off to the E.R.

Living in Podunk USA has it rewards, the E.R. was not filled up with gunshot victims and criminals as is the case sometimes in Cali. and they wheeled me in pretty quickly.
Of course we had to stop and chat with the woman that checked me in because she remembers my neighbor from when they both lived in a tiny town 45 min from here... Oh then we had to stop and chat with Trevor his daddy is the Police Chief of tiny town and check in girl had to see if Trevor in Radiology remembered neighbor lady, which he didn't but he swore he knew me from somewhere and if I was related to a person that was in the E.R. last week.
(Is it time for Vicodin Yet?)

They put me up on a bed in the E.R. and someone came in to take my vitals and see if I had an Advanced Directive. I told her no, but if they decide to make any mistakes that would turn me into a vegetable, I'm a strong believer in D.N.R. Her response.. "Honey if you ain't got it tattooed on your Uvula you're plum out of luck"

The nurse leaves and the Dr. comes in and listens to my breathing and puts his Stethoscope on my heart and then on my belly. I whispered aloud with a giggle to my neighbor and said "Oh No! he doesn't know where my heart is" I was quickly corrected.

He goes on to look at my foot and leg and does all the standard "can you feel this test? and close your eyes and tell me which toe I'm touching. He was disappointed that my big toe was not responding as it should and I explained to him that, that was my LEFT toe and I happened to be RIGHT Toed. He disagreed with me and asked to see my other leg and I grunted a grunt that implied I did not want him to see that leg/foot.
He very charmingly said that he would get the other shoe off for me . I said Nooooooooo if you look at the other leg you'll find out I only shaved One Leg!

He Busted out Laughing and asked me "what time did you hurt your leg"

Me: 12:00

Him: "It's 2:00 o'clock! You stopped to shave One leg before coming to the E.R."

Me: "Ummm, it took a long time to shave"

Him: "Next time just come in" (still laughing)

Me: You gotta understand I come from California where everything is shaved.

Him: "Everything"

Me: Yeh it's a culture thing... most everyone on the beach is Brazilian

More laughter while his face turns red

He continues to play with my foot and it made a large POP

Him: "That's an interesting sound" as if he was proud of himself

He kept telling me to relax my foot and I explained to him that I was afraid of what he was going to do next.

Him: Did that hurt?

Me: Do you realize where my other foot is? (at his crotch level) "I'll tell you in my own special way if it hurts too much "

Him "Don't threaten the kids" (It was not until I left that I realized my Dr. was referring to his balls as "kids") very funny I wish I caught on a little sooner. ( I would of threaten his "Future Kids also)

He told me he was going to send in someone with some pain meds

Me: Do you really want to see my personality on drugs?

Him: Get's really close in my face and says "I would pay alot of money to see that"

He hooked me up with some drugs and an air cast and sent me about my way.

It hurt but I gotta tell ya it was alot more amusing then sitting thru a newspaper conference all day long. :0)